Yup, still hurts

Sounds weird to say but I’m proud of myself for feeling hurt and being sad without judgement. I don’t think I’m weak or fat or stupid or ugly this time around. I’m just sad. Whether it works out between him and me or not, right now I’m sad for a lot of reasons and I’m not stopping myself from feeling anything. I’m trying to trust that there’s an end to this particular hurt and I don’t need to know when it’s going to come or what it’s going to look like.

Brené Brown said that you can’t numb just one emotion. I like to think of it like a music equalizer board. You can’t turn down sadness and hurt without also turning down joy and love. I’m hoping that by letting myself really feel this super shitty pain, I’ll be able to feel the joy I’ve felt like I’ve missed out on. 

And boy is it super shitty.

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