More wisdom from the damned Jersey Shore kid. On breathing and mantras, something my life coach suggested I do. One of his mantras is, “I’m already okay,” which made me giggle. I have it in my head that I’m broken down right now and in pieces and it’s just going to take time to get myself together again. Which is bullshit. I’m fine. I’m complete and sane and healthy right now. I may be hurting and I may cry more than normal lately, but I’m not broken and I’m not a mess. I’m just a human feeling some pain.
I think I’m seeing light at the end of the tunnel. Every once in a while, I’ll catch myself feeling down and wonder why, then remember, “Oh yeah, I’m in a shitty place right now.” It hurts less and less to come home to an empty house – although by hurting less, I mean my eyes only tear up a little, as opposed to being completely unable to stop sobbing.
With that comes fewer revelations though; it’s like a healing plateau. I think about my parents and my dog less and less and stop thinking about why I do the things I do, why I react the way I do, et cetera, et cetera. Which is good, I guess – life is for living, not analyzing.
We’ll all float on, okay.