Last night my friends had a great housewarming party. It was so awesome and lovely – great people, a band, food, atmosphere. I smiled and laughed and loved that this is my life.
I didn’t drink too much, but still woke up with an overwhelming feeling of guilt about what an ass I’d been. Should I apologize to anyone? Did I say mean things? Was it my fault the ex didn’t show up? Answers: no, no, and probably not.
When I get drunk, I do have a tendency to say mean things and be more aggressive. I think drinking brings out character rather than changing it, and I’m not proud that I have that meanness and anger in me. There’s some disconnect between who I am and who I present as myself.
When I can wake up after a night of drinking and only remember the happiness of the occasion, will it be because that disconnect gap is smaller?