My moving freakout kind of, well, freaked me out. I thought things were settling down in my head and whoosh! came the sadness, despair, loneliness, fear, totally crazy thoughts and tears. Lots of tears. I’ve come to a few conclusions:
- I might need help. I put in a call to a counselor and feel pretty good about that. I can’t seem to shake the ex – and worse, confusing missing him with missing my dad somehow in my mixed-up head. It might be new daddy issues or unresolved old ones, I don’t know. They’re there, wherever they came from.
- I bounced back from this ick pretty quick (for me, anyway). Part of what scared me so much was the familiar feeling of having no control over my thoughts and emotions. Today it just clicked that I don’t need to figure the sad feelings out – I can focus on the fun stuff and safely ignore the impending doom warning sirens as false alarms. So one weekend of mild anxiety and one 24-hour period of nutter butter is perfectly acceptable. I just bought my first fucking house, after all!
- That icky stuff will always be there for me. It’s like my emotional herpes. Just gotta learn to deal with it and not spread it around too much.
- I probably am not certifiably crazy.